Traditions - Are they important?

There's much talk about traditions this time of year.  When my kids were younger, I was asked what our favorite family traditions were and I had no answer.  That made me very sad.  From that moment on, I really wanted to create some traditions for them to hold dear and near to their hearts.    I still think of the Christmas Eves spent at my grandmothers with my dad's side of the family when I was just a kid.  And how every year we'd all pile in the station wagon and drive around town to look at the Christmas lights and how every time we came back, we had JUST MISSED Santa.  And how every year I would make cookies and give them to my family and friends as a gift.  Cookies are my love language.  Which explains a WHOLE lot ;) 

But back to traditions.  That cookie thing is another post. 

It's these memories I look back on lovingly and want to create for my family.  I want some clear and consistent pegs for them to hang memories on;  the good and the bad.  I don't care if they roll their eyes when for the umpteenth time I say no to playing a Christmas carol before Thanksgiving.  Because when they're older and I'm gone, whether they adhere to that tradition or not, every time it comes up, they'll remember me and how much I loved them.  Or every time they see a peanut butter blossom cookie, they'll remember our Christmases together.  To me, that's why tradition is important.  Not the tradition itself, but the memories of loved ones that we experience them with. 

But traditions can be a bit of a double-edged sword.  While they can bring comfort and consistency to our otherwise crazy world - and kids...all of us really...need that - they can also be stumbling blocks.  Just as they can help us remember the love and good memories, they can also bring back some pretty awful ones.  Sometimes, too, we can get so caught up in the practice of the tradition itself, that we totally trample on the original intent - sharing memories and loving on our family and friends.  When we hold too rigidly to a specific time, or location, or practice, our purpose gets lost and feelings get hurt.

Perhaps the key is learning to tread somewhere in the middle.  We don't want to be rigid with our traditions and elevate the tradition itself to a point higher than the purpose it was created for.  But our culture and society is so "flex" now that you can't just go with the flow either or else you'll lose it all.  So how do we find that middle ground?

These are the questions that help me decide when to hold tight to the traditions or relax a bit.

1. What was my original reason and purpose for the tradition? Is it a core value?  What am I saying by continuing this? What am I willing to sacrifice to keep it?  
2. Can a change or minor alteration still carry out that purpose and make it easier on others? Or is there another way to meet that same purpose? Sometimes a little flexibility in scheduling can still allow the intent of the tradition to be met.  
3. Is there a reason to NOT continue this because it's hurtful or distasteful because of new things I've learned or been made aware of? Some of our traditions are based in altered and mistaken worldviews.  As we become aware of these things, I think it's important to consider whether or not we are continuing to foster these beliefs even if it's unintentional.  
4. Am I running away from something?  I try not to run away from things, but instead find something to run TO.  And sometimes we have to run THROUGH things and TO Him. I don't want to stop doing something simply because it's the easy way out. 

Tomorrow is Kaylee's birthday. She would have been 17 this year.  As each year passes I'm not sure how to honor her birthday, so I ask the above questions of myself.  It's important to me that we celebrate her in some way.  My mama heart can't stand to not hold this day special.  So I ask:  What was the original intent for this tradition or carrying on a birthday celebration for someone who is no longer here with us?  My purpose is so that my children will never doubt my love for them and how special the day was that they came into my life.  No matter where they are or what they're doing, that day will forever be marked in my heart.  So yes, it is a core value and I will make sacrifices so they know without a doubt they will never be forgotten. 

We don't do the same thing every year and I try to be flexible with work schedules and other commitments as everyone is growing up and seems to have more and more of those.  But I will always celebrate her day of birth in some way.  

And every year I struggle with question number 4.  In some ways it would be easier just to not do anything.  It's another thing to schedule during and already busy time of year and honestly, there are times when it's easier to just pretend that you've forgotten or gotten over it.  Because I would be pretending.  I don't think you ever get over the loss of a child.  And there's not one day that goes by that I've forgotten.  So we will continue to celebrate her birth.  It's celebration worthy.  She has brought me closer to Christ and forced me to lean on His understanding of good.  Because she is no longer in this temporal world with me, she helps me stay focused on eternity.  I wish with all my heart I could have learned that lesson another way.  But still I'm grateful for all that God has done through my Ladybug.  And celebrating her birthday helps me to remember that.  

What are some traditions you adhere to?  How do you decide which ones to keep and which ones to let go?