Reasons NOT to go to another Classical Conversations practicum.

I know.  You've been to one or two of these things, or even more, so you know the deal.  Why are they asking you to go AGAIN?!

Chances are, if you think you don't need to attend practicum, you probably need to go more than anyone else.

1.  I've been to a couple and yeah, I know how the program works so I don't need to go. 

I've been to more than 20 practicums.  And every time I learn SOMETHING.  You see, we are classical educators.  And as classical educators, we EMBRACE repetition.  We know that repetition is important for our kids to really get to the point of understanding.  Repetition increases comprehension.  Guess what, same works for us.  Really.  I mean that whole 10,000 times and THEN begins understanding isn't just something we use for our students. AND if you're getting close to that 10,000 times, then maybe it's time to sign up to lead a camp, or train tutors, or even speak!  If you're somewhere in the middle, then come and mentor a brand new homeschool mama who is in that scared-to-death-they're-gonna-mess-up-their-kids-whole-life stage and encourage them!

2. I'm so busy and overwhelmed there's no way I can take a break to attend. 

If this is you, you need to be there more than anyone.  If' you're feeling overwhelmed come and let us love on and pray for you.  We are called to community.  And that means we need to bear one another's burdens.  Come and be encouraged by the speaker. Pray with another mama. Just be fed.  Simply by surrounding yourself with other like-minded parents you will feel better.  Also, if you're overwhelmed by classical education, someone has misled you.  Classical Conversations parents do not need to be task masters.  If you're feeling pressure to complete anything on someone else's timeline, that's not the point.  And I'd dare say that developing a better understanding of how to implement the program from a place of rest is exactly what you need!

3.  CC is just not working for us and I'm not sure if we'll continue. 

Maybe this is true.  I mean the program is not for everyone.  I do believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is the very best program to prepare any child for any path that God has for them from welder to doctor to stay-at-home mama to lawyer to garbageman to ANYTHING.  The point of a classical, Christian education is to teach them to seek truth with all they have.  Anyone who intends to live a life free of being captured by the thoughts and ideas of the world is going to need to know how to find logical fallacies.  Anyone who will vote should understand how to identify truth and truly know history so we don't continue to repeat it.  Come to practicum and practice the tools of learning.  Ask hard questions.

4.  We don't do CC. 

The lost tools of learning we practice at our events can benefit EVERYONE.  Even if you're not homeschooling.  Even if you're not PARENTING.  The classical method can help anyone learn anything.  Our events are Christ-centered and a great way to meet other mission-minded people.  They can benefit anyone who is interested in education!

In our Challenge II class this past year we read that Socrates actually enjoyed or appreciated it when someone proved him wrong.  He said that if he was wrong, he was glad to finally know the truth and was grateful that he would no longer be on that wrong path.  If you were considering not attending this year, I pray you receive this message with the heart I truly intended...just to help and encourage.  And if this has not been your experience with CC, let me be the first to apologize.  It is my prayer that our communities and events can be a place where God is glorified through all of our interactions with each other.  Please join me in prayer that this is what will happen.

We have our last event in the Greater Miami Area, June 24-26, at Homestead.  Click here for more info and to register!

He said No.

Another Ladybug Day is upon us soon.  Doesn't seem like it's possible that it's been 17 years since I held her in my arms.

But it has.  Seventeen years of God literally carrying me at times.  Helping me to just put one foot in front of the other.

I've been told I'm strong.  But I know better.  I know my innermost thoughts.  The judgement I place on others, the balls I drop, the opportunities I miss.  I know all my failures and weaknesses.  So does He.

Yet He still loves me.  Amazing.

On Sunday, my pastor spoke on the story in Mark when Jesus cast demons out of a man who had been living like an animal out in the burial caves.  It's a story I've heard many times, but as it often happens, I heard something new this time.  After the man was healed he asked Jesus if he could go with him. It says he actually begged to go with him.  But Jesus said no.

He said no.

That hurts.

Seventeen years ago I begged and pleaded with God to save my baby girl.  To give her breath and make her heart beat again.  But He said no. And my soul still aches.

Why would he take her?? I had just lost my father to suicide. I had come out of a pretty bad  situation with a previous relationship not too long before that. Hadn’t I suffered enough? Why was He punishing me??  I was trying to live right.  I was going to church, and doing as much as I knew how to do right. But still no??

The pastor pointed out that in that story, Jesus had been asked two other question previous to that one.  The demons asked to go into the pigs and He said yes.  And the crowd asked Jesus to leave and He said yes.  Yes to the demons, yes to the angry crowd, and no to the poor man who wanted to follow Jesus?  Guess it's not always about our obedience or what we think we deserve, eh?  That was eye-opening...and somewhat comforting, as crazy as that sounds.  It reminds me that it doesn't depend on me. If I keep just submitting to His will and walking in obedience, He's got a plan. I may not understand it, or even agree with it, but I can trust it.

After losing Kaylee I had to stay in my Bible.  It was really the only thing I could do for a couple months afterwards.  I came across several stories that inspired me and encouraged me not to lose my faith. While he certainly lost a lot more than I did, Job was a story of hope for me.  I tried to model my life after him a little bit, remembering that his faith never wavered and God rewarded him for that.  We even named our next daughter after one of his so that every day of my life I would remember this story and model of a faithful servant to our Lord.

I have several friends with children that are about the age Kaylee would be now.  This year she'd be getting ready for her senior year.  She'd be thinking about prom and boys and college SATs and probably fighting her way through parental constraints to find herself. Oh what I wouldn't give to fight with her about what she should and shouldn't wear or watch or say or...anything.  I watch the young adults around me and am curious which she would be like.  Who she'd be friends with and what she'd be in to.  Believe it or not, it helps a bit to have an idea of what her life might have been like.

But I can't stay with those thoughts long or else they grow into bitterness.

I don't know why He said no.  But as I sit here and listen to her little sister play ukulele and sing worship music I can hear remnants of her trying to sing with me.  And as her brothers play together in the other room laughing, I can remember her laugh. And her big brother, the only one of them who had the opportunity to play with her and hold her this side of heaven, I get to watch him open his heart again to her sweet niece, Kalypso, and I can feel her love come alive again in him.  If we hadn't lost her, I don't know if our family would be as close to God today. It was her death that caused my heart to turn back to my home and leave my corporate job to homeschool.  It was her death that drove me back into His Word.  It is her death that keeps me close to Him and relying on Him day after day. And I may never know the many other lives that were and are touched by her short life.

So again, I don't know why He said no, but I'm so glad He said yes so many other times.  And I will live in this no.  I will celebrate because I know my God is in control.

I will trust this no.  I will stay.  And I will tell my family and friends everything the Lord has done for me and how merciful He has been.  (Mark 5:19)

We will be releasing ladybugs and painting ladybug rocks at Olympic Park in Kendall on Friday, March 29 at 10am, if you'd like to join us this year.

Traditions - Are they important?

There's much talk about traditions this time of year.  When my kids were younger, I was asked what our favorite family traditions were and I had no answer.  That made me very sad.  From that moment on, I really wanted to create some traditions for them to hold dear and near to their hearts.    I still think of the Christmas Eves spent at my grandmothers with my dad's side of the family when I was just a kid.  And how every year we'd all pile in the station wagon and drive around town to look at the Christmas lights and how every time we came back, we had JUST MISSED Santa.  And how every year I would make cookies and give them to my family and friends as a gift.  Cookies are my love language.  Which explains a WHOLE lot ;) 

But back to traditions.  That cookie thing is another post. 

It's these memories I look back on lovingly and want to create for my family.  I want some clear and consistent pegs for them to hang memories on;  the good and the bad.  I don't care if they roll their eyes when for the umpteenth time I say no to playing a Christmas carol before Thanksgiving.  Because when they're older and I'm gone, whether they adhere to that tradition or not, every time it comes up, they'll remember me and how much I loved them.  Or every time they see a peanut butter blossom cookie, they'll remember our Christmases together.  To me, that's why tradition is important.  Not the tradition itself, but the memories of loved ones that we experience them with. 

But traditions can be a bit of a double-edged sword.  While they can bring comfort and consistency to our otherwise crazy world - and kids...all of us really...need that - they can also be stumbling blocks.  Just as they can help us remember the love and good memories, they can also bring back some pretty awful ones.  Sometimes, too, we can get so caught up in the practice of the tradition itself, that we totally trample on the original intent - sharing memories and loving on our family and friends.  When we hold too rigidly to a specific time, or location, or practice, our purpose gets lost and feelings get hurt.

Perhaps the key is learning to tread somewhere in the middle.  We don't want to be rigid with our traditions and elevate the tradition itself to a point higher than the purpose it was created for.  But our culture and society is so "flex" now that you can't just go with the flow either or else you'll lose it all.  So how do we find that middle ground?

These are the questions that help me decide when to hold tight to the traditions or relax a bit.

1. What was my original reason and purpose for the tradition? Is it a core value?  What am I saying by continuing this? What am I willing to sacrifice to keep it?  
2. Can a change or minor alteration still carry out that purpose and make it easier on others? Or is there another way to meet that same purpose? Sometimes a little flexibility in scheduling can still allow the intent of the tradition to be met.  
3. Is there a reason to NOT continue this because it's hurtful or distasteful because of new things I've learned or been made aware of? Some of our traditions are based in altered and mistaken worldviews.  As we become aware of these things, I think it's important to consider whether or not we are continuing to foster these beliefs even if it's unintentional.  
4. Am I running away from something?  I try not to run away from things, but instead find something to run TO.  And sometimes we have to run THROUGH things and TO Him. I don't want to stop doing something simply because it's the easy way out. 

Tomorrow is Kaylee's birthday. She would have been 17 this year.  As each year passes I'm not sure how to honor her birthday, so I ask the above questions of myself.  It's important to me that we celebrate her in some way.  My mama heart can't stand to not hold this day special.  So I ask:  What was the original intent for this tradition or carrying on a birthday celebration for someone who is no longer here with us?  My purpose is so that my children will never doubt my love for them and how special the day was that they came into my life.  No matter where they are or what they're doing, that day will forever be marked in my heart.  So yes, it is a core value and I will make sacrifices so they know without a doubt they will never be forgotten. 

We don't do the same thing every year and I try to be flexible with work schedules and other commitments as everyone is growing up and seems to have more and more of those.  But I will always celebrate her day of birth in some way.  

And every year I struggle with question number 4.  In some ways it would be easier just to not do anything.  It's another thing to schedule during and already busy time of year and honestly, there are times when it's easier to just pretend that you've forgotten or gotten over it.  Because I would be pretending.  I don't think you ever get over the loss of a child.  And there's not one day that goes by that I've forgotten.  So we will continue to celebrate her birth.  It's celebration worthy.  She has brought me closer to Christ and forced me to lean on His understanding of good.  Because she is no longer in this temporal world with me, she helps me stay focused on eternity.  I wish with all my heart I could have learned that lesson another way.  But still I'm grateful for all that God has done through my Ladybug.  And celebrating her birthday helps me to remember that.  

What are some traditions you adhere to?  How do you decide which ones to keep and which ones to let go?  

He is still good.

God is good.  All the time.  And all the time...you know how it goes.  We sing about it.  We teach it to our kids.  We quote scripture to back it up.  But do we really understand what we're saying?

Good.  What does it mean?  Safe? Healthy? Working the job we want? Living in the home we desire? Getting our kids into the program we chose? This is the Western definition of good. And because we've allowed the word to morph into this selfish and petty meaning, it's lost it's luster.  We've removed it's power.  And in the process we've turned the idea of our God into this store clerk ready and waiting to fill our orders of the next thing we want that will make our lives "good."

Websters defines good as "what is morally right; righteous" or of "benefit or advantage to someone or something." It's the second definition that has stuck in our culture.  But that first idea.  Morally right.  Righteous.  Is that what we're asking for when we pray for those desired outcomes?  It should be, right?  Often when we pray we're laying out this laundry list of all the ways and things God can do to bring "good" into our lives.  As if he needs our understanding of the circumstances and help to sort it all out.  As if His eye had been taken off of of the situation and now we need to let Him know what the next best step is.  It makes me think of the stories and explanations I get from my 5 year old when he's trying to convince me that he needs his tab back or wants a bowl of ice cream.  Full of reasons  and whining to get to his desired outcome, but nothing supporting the point that ice cream and youtube videos would be the moral thing to do and bring us all closer to God.

He once threw a major fit and hid his head under his step stool because I wouldn't let him play with raw chicken breast. How many times do we get mad at God or lose our faith in His power or love for us when He answers our requests with no?  Maybe, just maybe He knows more than we do. Maybe He knows that if He gave us what we were asking for, we'd be at risk for serious pain or even death. Maybe He knows that "good" would not last.  And He's holding out for something better for us.

If this earthly good really is what we expect from our God - the house, the job, the behavior we've begged for from that child, the ice cream - then how do we pair that up against what is happening all around us?  That mother who hides her child from terrorists.   Isn't her God also good?  The father who doesn't get the diagnosis he had prayed for.  Does he not serve the same good God?  The young women who has just had taken from her every bit of innocence. Why is He not so "good" to her?  What about the missionaries who have risked their lives delivering the very good news of Christ? Certainly if God is going to be "good" to anyone, it would be them. Yet some do not return.  Children are killed.  Fathers die.  Innocence is lost. Missionaries are sacrificed.  How can any of this be good?

We must stop thinking of good as beneficial to our current situation.  Good is salvation. Good is whatever brings glory to God. It is eternity with our Heavenly Father.  It is walking this life in a way that points everyone we touch to the one and only good thing:  Christ.

 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.  Romans 8:28

This earthly life withers and fades away and so will all the "good" we've asked for; the diploma, the job, the house, anything that adds up to worldly success will be burnt up and gone forever. We must keep our eyes fixed on eternity.  That is the good that lasts.  He's using these earthly trials, these "bad" things to strengthen us, to save us, to save others.  And that is good.  When we equate God to a short order cook who we expect to deliver the order according to our specs, we have belittled His power and His true desires.  It's not happiness He wants for us, it's holiness.  That is good.

A lot of the good we ask for might really be just like that ice cream and youtube videos my youngest wants for his morning routine or that raw chicken breast to play with. Answering either of these requests with a yes would not usually be considered good parenting. As adults, we understand this because we can see further than the next five minutes. We must trust our Heavenly Father in the same way.  When He doesn't open that door we've been begging Him to knock down for us, maybe it IS a good thing.

No matter the circumstances.  He is good.  That does not change.  Even if my earthly father fails. Even if my child dies.  Even if my son walks away.  He is still worthy of praise.  He is still faithful.

He is still good.

Time does not heal

Fourteen years.  A lot can happen in that amount of time. Trials, celebrations, new beginnings, and even some good-byes.  Time can be a funny thing.  It can camouflage itself as a sloth as it races by like a jaguar.  It masks itself as money, only to prove itself priceless.  It can trick you into believing it is healing you, separating you from the things you want to forget, when it's actually distancing you from some of the most precious moments in life.

I've often wondered what it would be like to live outside of its limitations, its trickery.  I am beginning to understand how that could be possible.  Sometimes it feels like fourteen years ago was yesterday. Sometimes it feels like a different lifetime.  This continuum we live on is so fickle.  Wait, then hurry.  Stop and smell the roses.  The early bird gets the worm.  Enjoy the moment.  Seize the day. SLOW DOWN.  Don't get left behind.

We can't stop it.  We can't control it.  It's simply a resource.  And a tricky one at that. It's manipulative as it disguises itself as something we have plenty of, then looks back and smiles over it's shoulder with a shrug as the last of it runs out.  It bolsters a high value and the thing of most importance.  After all, it's an important currency in building relationships so there is a high value to it.  It is perhaps one of the most valuable resources we have.  But it quietly slips through our fingers when we are not watching. It's slippery and treacherous and valuable and priceless all at once.

One thing I know for sure about it though...time does NOT heal.

No matter how much time passes between the day my daughter left this world and now, time does not help. Fourteen years does nothing to cover the scar from when my soul was ripped in two. Fourteen years doesn't take away the pain of empty arms or breasts full of milk with no sweet baby to nourish.  Or dreams that have no hope of ever coming true. Time can't fix the pain and confusion in my other children's hearts as to why their sister is gone.  It doesn't help my son who loved his little sister with a great and innocent love that turned into a loss so deep and irreparable, the wound is still throbbing. Time does nothing for that. Except for maybe allowing us to fortify and strengthen those walls we build that keep us from feeling the hurt.  But those same walls also lock out the joy.

Those walls become thick, calloused and numb.  While that's good to protect us from the pain, it also separates us from the good times, the celebrations, the memories, the things yet to come.  I don't ever want to stop feeling the love I had in my heart when I held my daughter close.  When I nursed her.  When I dressed her and combed her hair.  When I sang to her with visions and dreams of her life to come. When I prayed for her future.  He had a plan for her, too, right?  What happened?  Or is it still happening?

We get caught up in the promises of the Bible and equate them to earthly promises and success.  A promise of a future does not necessarily mean the same in God's eyes as it does through the eyes of our world.  We have to keep our eyes fixed on the things of Heaven.

In HIS timeline, Kaylee's future still is.  His time doesn't stop when our hearts do.  She still has a purpose and a plan.  She still even has a legacy here on this earth.  It may not look like those dreams that danced in my head as I held her in my arms for three months, but it is powerful.  She still has much to do for the rest of eternity and her short life here on earth can still have an impact if I turn to God and trust in Him to carry it out.

It is only through HIM that we can survive such a loss.  Time has nothing to do with it.

If you are in the Miami area, we will be honoring our little girl with a ladybug release on the anniversary of her passing.  We do this every year as a way to help us all remember her and to help keep her close to our hearts and our eyes fixed on Jesus.  We've deemed March 29 as Ladybug Day and have done it every year since she passed in memory of her.  She was our Ladybug.  A sweet soul that came into our lives and chased away some of the bad bugs that were trying to separate us from the True Vine.

Here is an explanation of how and why we celebrate Ladybug Day. 

Ladybug Day is a celebration of life our family loves to share with our friends and their children.  The kids love it and the message is sticks.  God hears our prayers.  Always. If you and your family would like to join us, you can email me at ladybugjung@gmail.com for more info.

The Entreprenurial Spirit

Lately I've been writing a lot on our choice to homeschool.  One of the things that comes along with that choice is a one-income household.  We don't have a boat, or drive the new cars.  Our vacations are budgeted and far-between.  Fortunately, God has blessed my husband with a good job that can support us, but there have been some times in the not so distant past that were a little touch-and-go. God is faithful and He has seen us through!

Mobile Popsicle Cart idea from The Celebration Shoppe

Currently, one of my boys is going through Challenge A in Classical Conversations.  The theme for Challenge A is ownership.  Every assignment and book they read points them back to this theme of owning their education, their life, their choices.  It is theirs.  Theirs to squander.  Theirs to take advantage of.  It is on them.  We want them to learn time management and accountability and self-discipline when it comes to their studies.  Less than half-way through the year I can already see the growth!  And I figure why not ride that wave on into the financial sector of his life. 

Starting from now on, my children will be taking an active role in paying their tuition for CC.  We've broken down the numbers and for our kiddos to pay for half of their tuition for next year, they need to earn about $15/week.  That is doable.  SO doable.  While we were brainstorming through some possibilities as to how this would work, I thought I'd share them with other families as well.  These ideas could be used with just about any family, but are especially geared toward families who might be in CC or other homeschooling communities. 

• Sell candy bars or snacks. Purchase in bulk at a wholesale club.  Have the kids help you with setting the price compared to cost.  VALUABLE lesson here.  Some places will even let you sell baked goods! Want to promote a more healthy lifestyle?  Sell apples or bananas.  On hot days, sell orange slices…already peeled and cold!  Or frozen pineapple on a stick!  Or try one of the specialty THM recipes and sell them to those mamas who want to eat healthy but can't find the time to figure it all out.  Where? 
  • Kids sporting event.  Many sports leagues will allow you to walk through with a box of candy bars, snacks, or drinks.  One walk through could probably get you to your weekly goal.
  • Supermarkets. Get permission for this first, but many places are ok with this as long as you agree not to hound their customers too much J 
  • Have mom or dad take that box of candy bars into work.  About 2pm those things will sell like hot cakes. 
  • Community days.
  • Farmers Markets
• Offer as a family to provide a service for your neighbors.  Grocery shopping, car washing, porch cleaning, yard work, dog walking, freezer meal prep.  Make up a flyer and explain that you are raising money to pay for your child's school.  You could pay for CC, turn a profit, AND teach your kiddos some entrepreneurial skills with this one.  WIN/WIN/WIN!
• Partner with other families and reserve a farmers market booth!  Get together with a handful of other CC families and sell goods at a farmers market.  Some could bring veggies from their gardens or fruit from their trees.  Others could sell things they are making, etc.  The possibilities are ENDLESS.  Booths can run anywhere from 0 to $30.  Split with a couple families, and there could definitely be some profit involved.
• Make Christmas ornaments or hand-crafted gifts and sell online to family and friends.  Again, when people know you are trying to pay for education and the kids have taken the initiative, they are more willing to support!  Jump on the essential oil bandwagon and make gifts that are homeopathic. 
• Teens can babysit of course...definite need here :) 
• Tweens can be mommy helpers.  If you're in a homeschool community, there are bound to be some homeschool mamas who would LOVE to have an older kid come and keep their littles busy and happy while they spend some time working with their older kids or even to just go take a long, hot shower. 
• Provide lunch for community members!  Make hot and healthy lunches and sell for $3-$4 on community day.  Some people will do anything to not have to pack lunch. You could even approach local businesses and see if you could do this on other days of the week. 
• Have a community car wash!  Get with your director and plan a car wash on a Saturday morning.  Advertise on social media and email to be sure all of your local family knows to come support your kids and get their car washed.  Make signs and HAVE FUN!  Split the proceeds between participating families to apply toward next year's tuition. 
• Provide some type of private lessons or classes.  Do a writing workshop on Saturday mornings open to all students.  Or provide math tutoring or math study sessions.  We're learning Latin this year and my kids LOVE it.  They could teach beginning Latin.  Do they play an instrument?  Have them offer beginners level classes. 
• Tutor and have your director hold your last semester's payment for next year’s tuition!

The possibilities are endless!  While the tangible outcome in doing these things will be that we have money for tuition for next year, the intangible is that our kids will learn that they can do something to change their circumstances.  They will learn that hard work pays off.  They will learn invaluable entrepreneurial skills and financial lessons. 

Here are a few other websites that offer some other ideas for kids to get in the entrepreneurial spirit.
37 Great Business Ideas for Young Entreeprenuers
21 Great Business Ideas for Kids
101 Business Ideas for Kids

Have other ideas as to how homeschool families can increase that income flow and teach our kids those valuable lessons?  Share them!

But what about...

Even after 14 years of this homeschooling gig, and no matter how many times I reiterate WHY we homeschool and that those priorities are WAY more important to us than any other possible factor as to why we would put our kids in traditional school, we still get lots of "but what about________?" (insert your favorite school memory or program or reason here)

So that's what I'll focus on today.  The buts.

But what about sports?

Upward Football League

I love sports.  I was an athlete all the way through the collegiate level.  Sports are great for teaching discipline, teamwork, diligence, and many other things.  It's great exercise...which we could all use more of.  So yes, I agree that sports are important.  But homeschooling does not disqualify you from participating in sports.  Most young Olympians are, at least for part of their lives, homeschooled.  There are even professional athletes that were homeschooled.  Ever heard of Tim Tebow or the Williams sisters.  And here are a few more.

In the state of Florida (and many others as well) it is legal for homeschoolers to participate on athletic teams for the school they are zoned for.  Also, many private schools welcome homeschoolers on their sports teams.  Personally, I've found that some of the best athletic programs aren't even attached to schools.  The parks department and a handful of churches host their own leagues.  Upward programs are also available in many areas.  I love this program because it teaches MORE than just the game, it also focuses on sportsmanship and character development.

But what about opportunities like student government?

My daughter in her service committee brainstorming different ideas for her club to serve their community.

OK.  I was on the student council one year in high school.  I think we met three times. And I don't remember anything we did.  And while I'm sure there are many great things that it CAN teach you, as you can tell, it didn't make a HUGE impact on me :)  BUT again, I do see value here.  It's nice for students to learn how to run meetings, to gain leadership experience, to have the opportunity to participate in a governing body and learn about democracy and how organizations like this run, and to perhaps do something together to give back to their community.  But student council is not the only venue for doing this.

My kids are involved in 4H.  When I was growing up in Indiana, 4H (or so I thought) was for farmers.  4H kids showed pigs and raised rabbits and shucked corn. Boy was I wrong.  4H is SO much more than that.  My kids participate only at the club and county levels (they also have district, statewide, and even national events).  4H is a national youth development program.  Think of the clubs as these little independent student councils that are working together to learn leadership skills and serve their communities.  The meetings are run by the students.  The students are elected into office by other students.  The officers set up and approve agendas and projects and events to suit the group's needs and desires.  Meetings are generally held once a month, with events spread out throughout other times. Tell me again what my kids are missing by not being in student council?

But what about dances and other social events?

We even have opportunities for those awkward pics!

Have you read the news lately?  Every year for prom and other dances, there are a handful of high schoolers who leave for the dance but never return.  Not beating down any doors for my kiddos to have a chance at that.  Also, I attended several of these events in my own middle and high school years, and while there were a few that were fun and even memorable, none of them were life-changing.

But again, I do see value in fellowship and social events. And celebrations are important!  That's why MANY homeschool groups have these events as well.  In our area there are annual homecoming and proms for homeschoolers.  Not to mention all the support groups who have beach days, museum meet-ups, park days, field trips, movie nights, skating events, and MUCH MORE.  There are graduation events, as well. In all honesty, there are probably MORE opportunities to socialize for homeschoolers because, well, we work at it.  We are intentional with it.  And because of that, it is often more meaningful. And to be honest, probably a little safer as well.

But what about friends?
As I alluded to in the previous paragraph, there are SO many opportunities for our children to socialize.  We have 4H, church, sports leagues and programs, dance and voice lessons, taekwondo, support group events, and the list literally could go on forever.  But let's talk seriously about this friendship thing.

When I was in school I had about two to three girls at any given time that I would run with.  Did I know more than that?  Yes.  Did the fact that I actually KNEW OF thirty other ten year olds when I was ten add any value to my childhood experience?  Probably not.  Friends are one of those things you measure qualitatively not quantitatively.  It is not about the number of friends our kids have, it's about the quality and experience in those friendships.  I personally don't want to throw my kids into the throngs of the popularity game.  It's over-rated and potentially damaging.

Full disclosure here:  When my oldest was 13, he went back to school for a few years.  It wasn't my idea, but I chose not to fight him and his father on it.  He suddenly had MANY new friends. More than I could count. More than I could know.  Friends who had parents I knew nothing about...whose lives I knew nothing about...whose values I knew nothing about.  Friends who had other ideas about what was right and wrong and who sometimes had parents that just didn't have the time or resources to stop and pay attention to the decisions their kids were making.  And this affected my son.  It affected his perception of right and wrong...too soon. As his parents, we lost even more credibility and some influence because now his peer group was HUGE and VERY different than us.  So while yes, the amount of friends he had grew, so did the amount of drama, conflict, negative influence and so many other things.  Be careful what you wish for.

Still.  Loneliness is hard. There have been seasons when my other children have gone through a time with fewer friends.  It is hard to watch your child be lonely.  But as an adult, we also have those seasons.  Instead of trying to "fix it" for them, if we can encourage our children through these times and teach them that they that will pass and how to effectively get through them, we are only better preparing them for life.  That is our goal, right?  Not happy kids...but successful and grounded adults. I also know that my times of loneliness are often also times of personal development and a strengthening of my faith.  I lean on God more than people.  My faith grows.  There's more time for introspection, for thinking, for reading, for service, and for other things that a full social calendar often interfere with. When we make decisions based on what makes our kids happy in the moment, its easier at that time, but in the end, we pay. And speaking of paying...

But what about the cost?
Yes, public and charter schools are free...in as much as they do not collect tuition.  But you get what you pay for.  Any finance person will tell you that there are more costs than just the immediate monetary ones.  You may not have to pay tuition or purchase curriculum, but what are the hidden costs?

Time with your child is one.  And your child's very own time for himself is another.  Traditional school takes time.  As homeschoolers, we can get done in 3-4 hours what it might normally take a couple eight hour days in a traditional school setting.  And then there is homework.  So they're gone all day, and then they come home with more work to do.  Many will often spend as much time doing homework than you might spend doing regular homeschooling work.  Throw in an extra curricular activity and you might get an hour with your kids a day if you're lucky.  And you'll need to use that to feed them and prep for the next day.

Flexibility is also another cost.  As homeschoolers, you have control over your own schedule.  If you want to take a vacation in November when there are no crowds, do it.  If you need to take off out of state for a month and take care of a sick relative or go on a mission trip, do it.  If you want stay up late and spend more time with dad, who works late, and wake up at 9am instead of 6am, do it. No mad dashes out the door to catch the bus.  No doctors notes to explain absences. No getting permission to raise your child the way you see fit.

When companies need to do something that does not directly affect their mission or vision, or does not involve critical or valuable materials, they outsource.  However, they would never hand over valuable product or intel, or anything they hold near and dear to their vision or philosophy to be outsourced.  This is because if the outsourcing company balks or fails, it can directly effect their bottom line and even have a huge impact on the overall success and even survival of the company.  Our children are the most precious and valuable gift we've ever been given. Raising them might very well be the most important thing I do in my life.  And God placed them under me and has gifted me with exactly what is needed to lead them.  And if there's something else they need, He will provide that as well!  If I outsource this responsibility to someone else, they absolutely will not be as invested as I am.  And that can lead to costs that I am not willing to pay.

What are other "buts" you've run across or are wrestling with now in regards to homeschooling?  Would love to continue this conversation in the comments below and even to point you to resources that can help!